The Silence of the Elves

Sneaky little buggers.

I was stationed on the roof, beside one of the chimneys. No traps, no weapons, I was in a deckchair sipping tea and picking at finger snacks. Some of which were a little old, probably past their pick-at-by-date but they were thoroughly deep fried and therefore safe.

I would have to give Elizabeth a few cooking lessons though. Some of the finger snacks were missing a knuckle and a few had chunks of palm still attached. A bit more consistency at the preparation stage would help.

The point is, I was the decoy. I assumed Santa would avoid the chimney that was so blatantly staked out and try one of the others. Probably the only other one that didn’t have smoke coming out of it. The one that led down to the old part of the castle, where young Caligula waited with a net – and strict instructions not to eat his catch right away.

Nothing happened. Midnight came and went and nothing happened.

It turned out that Santa had landed at the front of the castle and sent his elves to the front door. Elizabeth answered the door, accepted her gifts along with my and Caligula’s annual consignment of coal, and waved as the elves left.

A sneaky underhand Santa and stealth elves. What is the world coming to? What happened to tradition?

I am determined to outwit the old devil, if it takes forever. One day, Santa. One day…