Click brought in a tray of tea, set it on the table in front of me and said “Howdy, pardner.” Then he performed a bizarre bow-legged walk and sat opposite.
I sat in silence for a while, trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed. Finally I said “What?”
“Howdy,” Click nodded at the glass in my hand. “Is that two fingers o’ redeye in that there glass? Why, had I known, I’d’a just brought tea for your good lady wife an’ me and left you to your whisky.”
Senga giggled. Click said “Yee-ha!”. I closed my eyes and took long, slow breaths. When I could stand no more giggles and Yee-ha’s I opened my eyes and held up my hand for silence.
I wanted to enquire as to the backround behind this bizarre change in Click and to determine how best to tackle it, but all that came out was a strangled “What?”
“Isn’t he great?” Senga hugged herself. I’m always glad to see her do that, it saves me the trouble. “I’ve been teaching him to speak. He picks it up really fast.”
“Teaching him. How?”
“With them thar flickering’ pictures from the magic lantern.” Click looked pleased with himself. I looked disgusted with him until he shut up.
Senga spoke up. “I gave him some DVDs to watch. He’s been right through the Westerns.”
“No, really? I would never have guessed.” I glowered at them both in turn. “Fix it. Get some more up to date films and get rid of that ridiculous accent. I’m off to the dungeons for a sulk.” I took my glass and stomped down to spend some time with Father.
Some time later, Click joined us. He must have run because he was breathing heavily but at least he had abandoned the bow-legged walk. I waited for him to get his breath back, but his heavy breathing continued. Finally he spoke, between breaths.
“Dume,” he wheezed. “Come over to the dark side of the Force.” Then he waved a flashlight at me.
I marched him back upstairs, stapled him to a chair and put on some more suitable films. The entire collection of Sherlock Holmes should clear out this nonsense once and for all.